Musical jokes

[John]

I noticed a funny joke at the end of Alan Bakewell's posts, so lets have a few more..

My two to get the ball rolling:-Q, Whats the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A, A rock guitarist plays 3 chords to 1000's of people and a jazz guitarist ........ well you can work the rest out!.

Q, How do you know when the stage is perfecly level? A, The bass player drools out of both corners of his mouth!

Any more??????

John

[alanbakewell]

Love it John.

Letter from a Guitarist to the "Dear Abby" help column in a newspaper.

Dear Abby

I think my wife is cheating on me.

I am a working musician and, as you would expect, travel a lot.

I have been noticing strange things happening when I get home. Her mobile phone rings and she steps outside to answer it or she says, "I'll call you back later". When I ask her who called she gets evasive.

Sometimes she goes out with friends but comes home late, getting dropped off around the corner and walking the rest of the way.

I once picked up the extension while she was on the phone and she got very angry.

A buddy of mine plays guitar in a band. He told me that my wife and some guy have been to his gigs.

He wanted to borrow my guitar amp. That's when I got the idea to find out for myself what was really happening. I said "sure, you can use my amp but I want to hide behind it at the gig and see if she comes into the venue and who she comes in with". He agreed.

Saturday night came and I slipped behind my Marshall JCM800 half stack to get a good view. I could feel the heat coming off the back of the amp. It was at that moment, crouching down behind the amp, that I noticed that one of the tubes was not glowing as bright as the other 3.

Is this something I can fix myself or do need to take it to a technician?

Thanks - Very Concerned.

[John]

Keep em coming!

[d jones]

Hi Alan love the piccy of the cat attack! but beware
Heres my story recently decided to check my cats teeth before a trip to the vet's ended up with both fangs firmly implanted in the end of my thumb, the cat must have be allergic to my thumb as minutes later the cat died! As for myself ended up with blood poisoning, infection tracked up to my shoulder, 3 weeks of antibotics and dressing to draw the infection even contemplated losing the digit tried working out how much i needed to hold the back of the guitar neck. Fortunate for me did not come to that though but 5 weeks later still not right yet.

Dave

[sausage fingers]

Here's an oldish one.....

Whats the difference between a musician and a pension plan?




The pension plan will mature one day
Sorry
Rob

[alanbakewell]

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. He grips the lightbulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

[Bluesnote]

What do you call a guy that hangs about with musicians.................

A drummer

[dave.creasey]

Q, How do you know when a drummer is at your front door?

A, The knocking gets faster!!

dave ( Sorry Dad!!)

[John]

Q, How do you know when a drummer is at your front door?

A, The knocking gets faster!!

dave ( Sorry Dad!!)

And LOUDER!!!!!

[alanbakewell]

Q: What's the difference between a soundman and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a soundman.