Some little Tips To Help You On Here

[OLDEREK]

FONT SIZE
If you find the font size small, just go to the place on the right that shows your user name, just above that is the letter A it is very faint,you will see it if you drag your cursor over A it reads Change Font Sze, just click on it and watch your font size change.

Top Of Page Quick
When you are reading a messages on here you will see a very tiny circle bottom right, a click on that returns you to the top of page.

So You Don't Miss Anything
Best way to view these boards. every time you come on here, click on View New posts you will see it on Board Index page.

Hope this helps you a little................

[OLDEREK]

Sending PM's to other members

When you PM someone from a members profile page, remember when you press the Submit button, you are only sending them a Email with a URL link back here so they can read your message, so make sure you don't delete your message too early or when they look back here there is no message for them to read..........Cor I hope you understand this because I don't !!..

[OLDEREK]

So did you find this helpful ?........Is there anything else your not sure about, just ask....

[alanbakewell]

Dear uncle Derek,

Just lately I've been having strange dreams.

In my dream It's Tuesday night and I travel to a strange land called Great Wyrley. There I am greeted by people that I think I've seen before but don't quite remember. I have with me, an amplifier, a guitar in a tweed case, a box with electrical things in that light up when I plug it in and a box full of electrical cables and leads.

I am asked by a nice man to write down what I want to play and he says he'll play a "BT". He starts the "BT" and I start to play the guitar. Sometimes I remember some of the notes.

Later in the evening a man called Ecca something sits down with his guitar. Ecca doesn't bring an amplifier or anything that lights up, he brings a small blue box and plugs it into something called a P.A. Ecca drinks a great deal of something called Coors during the evening. Coors appears to make your guitar louder and more raunchy as the evening progresses. It also makes your knees go up and down.

After Ecca has finished everybody is deaf and keep shouting EH? or WHAT? to each other. Ecca sits down and eats something called cobs and scratchings whilst still drinking the Coors liquid.

There's another man called Roger. Roger used to be a Policeman. Roger is a good player and Ecca says "he should be with a pension that would choke a donkey and sod all to do all day but practice". I'm sure Ecca's only joking.

There's a lady called Amanda. Amanda fixes things. When Roger's amplifier broke recently Amanda fixed it there and then. I thought Roger's amplifier was a Vox but Amanda says it a piece of Chinese Shot. I think she said shot, mind you I've never seen any pellets in Rogers amplifier.

After everybody has had a play, it's my turn again and the nice man brings me a book and pen to write down my next tunes. I may remember some more notes if I'm lucky.

Is this experience real Uncle Derek or do you think it's all a dream?

Alan.

p.s. thanks for the advice on the athlete's foot treatment liquid. It tastes horrible but the itching is subsiding now.

[OLDEREK]

Dear Alan...........It's not a dream that you describe, it's a bloody nightmare !!!!!!!

The only advice I can give you is, if you can't beat them.............Leave ! !.

[Amanda]

Now come on Derek,

You know you can't wait until you can visit us and savour "The Hankies Experience"

Ecca's Rendition of "The Sausage"! and all!

Amanda

[Bob Dore]

This must be some kind of paranormal surreal experience. I tried to find Great Wyrley on Google and my PC is now a molten mass of metal and plastic.

Bob.

p.s.

"You're Never Alone With A Meerkat"

Meerkats have very close bonds and loyalties which they maintain by urinating and wiping their backsides on each other at frequent intervals. Part of the dream? I await Derek's report after he's visited with interest

[Amanda]

Hi Bob,

There's no answer to that!

My dog once peed on a hedgehog - poor little so and so!

[Bob Dore]

Hi Bob,

There's no answer to that!

My dog once peed on a hedgehog - poor little so and so!

The dog or the hedgehog?

Bob.

[Amanda]

The Hedgehog,

There he was minding his own business on the lawn when all of a sudden he got a
hot shower of pee!

I took him inside and rinsed him off in the bath, I've never seen so many fleas!

Amanda