To the strains of such classics as Apache, Wonderful Land and The Rise and Fall of Flingel Bunt, the dance floor quickly became littered with smashed beer glasses and bodies as the small and largely paralytic crowd rushed the small stage. One casualty, a middle aged woman who had lost her footing during a spontaneous outbreak of the Shadows-walk, was seen to be carried away from the melee and anaesthetised with copious amounts of lager and lime and, according to one onlooker, at least one bitter shandy. Reports suggest that the crowd may have been urged on by a suspicious looking man, possibly acquainted to the performer, as they were seen conspiring outside in hushed tones during an interval. As all order was lost, and the beer ran out, the pub closed early and staff began the extensive mopping up operation. Making good his escape, so as not to be held accountable, the aforementioned guitarist and his suspected accomplice were seen leaving the county at great speed. One reveller, who declined to be named, but who was seen to lose all control during Move It, said: “It’s amazing – I haven’t seen anything like it in this town since the South Street Bingo massacre of ‘62.†A spokesperson for someone or other commented; “Obviously a risk assessment was carried out before the performance, but sadly in this case it can be seen to have been inadequate. It is believed that a return booking has had to be cancelled on the grounds of public safety.
The pub, which cannot be named for legal reasons, was still closed this morning. The musician, who is believed to be from the Sheffield area, was unavailable for comment.
Nice one, Robbo. I enjoyed it! Mind you, I’m putting on body armour before I walk those mean streets again. And I thought Ilkeston was a nice, quiet place! Obviously the above account is highly fanciful and somewhat dubious and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Mind you, it does contain a grain of truth doesn’t it? It was good to have met you again after ten years and thanks for the lift home. I trust you got home in time for the footie?
All the best.
Chris
